Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
