And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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