And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
