he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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