Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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