Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
