I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
