I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
