if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
