what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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