I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
