dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
