take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
