I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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