the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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