The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
