you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
