if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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