I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
