Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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