I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
