Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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