omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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