sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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