HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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