Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
