He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
