"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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