Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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