Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
