She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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