Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
