He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
