I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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