She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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