there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
