I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
