Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
BRING THE BAGELS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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