i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
