I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
