you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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