My sheets look like a crime scene.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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