I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
