that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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