I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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