cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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