I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
