You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
