It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
