i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
