So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
