Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i out mim tonsoeep
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