Sponge bath it is.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
