Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
