we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
