I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
