Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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