You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We need to get me chipped asap
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
