he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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