He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
