I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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