Yo dont text me then not text me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
