i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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