This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
